Alright so last Thursday I woke up and just thought, heck why not eat breakfast outside? Weather was perfect, birds chirping, felt like summer finally showed up. Brain wasn’t even fully awake yet but the idea stuck. Planning an outdoor seating breakfast? Figured I’d just wing it. Big mistake number one.
The Grand Plan (That Wasn’t)
Started by dragging my sleepy self to the kitchen. Grabbed stuff willy-nilly: coffee pot, mugs, some bread for toast, fancy jam I bought when I was happy, napkins, plates. Just chucked it all into a cardboard box I found near the recycling bin. Real professional, right?
Where to Sit? The First Hurdle
Took the box outside, dumped it on the patio table. Dust and old leaves flew everywhere. Great start. Table was sticky. Forgot it was out there all winter. Rushed back in, grabbed a wet rag, scrubbed like a madwoman. Still felt kinda grimy. Screw it, I thought, just put a tablecloth down. Used an old bed sheet. Looked ridiculous but hey, covered the grime.
Coffee Catastrophe
Set up the coffee pot on the little side table. Plugged the extension cord through the slightly open window. Made the coffee inside earlier, right? Wrong. Poured water, grounds, hit brew. Realized the basket was clogged from last time. Coffee started bubbling out like a mini volcano, dripping down the side table leg, right onto my foot. Jumped back, yelled a bit. Grabbed the nearest thing – yep, that fancy bed sheet – and mopped it up. Now my “tablecloth” smelled like burnt coffee and had a huge brown stain. Fantastic.
Toast Trauma
Okay, coffee situation stabilized (mostly). Time for toast. Dug the little camping toaster out of the garage. Covered in dust bunnies and cobwebs. Blew on it. Plugged it in alongside the still-hot coffee pot. Extension cord sparked. Just a little. Unplugged everything, muttered stuff under my breath, plugged it back in more carefully. Put the bread in. Smelled… funny. Maybe left them in the pantry too long? Got distracted watching a squirrel steal a nut. Toast burned. Completely black. Smoke alarm inside didn’t go off, surprisingly. Scraped the charred mess into the bushes. Squirrel looked unimpressed.
The Final Spread (Such As It Was)
At this point, I was hungry and kinda defeated. Salvaged what I could:
- Coffee: Lukewarm, tasted vaguely earthy.
- “Toast”: Non-existent. Ate bread slices plain like a savage.
- Fancy Jam: Spooned straight from the jar. Zero shame.
- Napkins: Used primarily to wipe coffee off my foot and smear jam from my chin.
Sat there. Sun felt warm on my face. Birds still chirping. Squirrel finished his nut raid. Mess everywhere – sticky table, stained sheet, dirty plates, extension cord snaking back into the house.
So… Unforgettable?
Oh yeah, unforgettable. But not in the “wow this is magical” way. More like “wow I really didn’t plan any of this AT ALL.” Learned some things the hard way:
- Check your gear first. Seriously. Coffee pot? Toaster? Even the table? Check for dust, dirt, death traps.
- Make things easier inside. Brew coffee IN THE KITCHEN. Toast bread IN THE DAMN TOASTER. Then just carry it out.
- Have backups. No toast? Maybe cereal? Yogurt? Fruit? Not just one questionable jar of jam.
- Forget “fancy” when you’re half-asleep. A plastic tablecloth over a clean table beats a stained bedsheet any day.
Bottom line? Don’t be like me. Think one step ahead, even for something silly like breakfast outside. It won’t be Pinterest-perfect, but at least you might actually get fed without involving smoke detectors or wildlife. Still enjoyed the sunshine though. Always enjoy the sunshine.
