So, you’re curious about my time with that Cincinnati beverage company, huh? It’s funny how some projects stick with you, usually not for the reasons they’re supposed to. I wasn’t exactly planning on diving into the world of fizzy drinks and local branding, but life, as they say, throws you curveballs, or in my case, poorly conceived marketing strategies.
How I Got Dragged Into It
It all started pretty randomly. I was between proper gigs, doing a bit of freelance consulting here and there to keep the lights on. A guy I know, more of an acquaintance really, reached out. Said his team at this Cincinnati beverage place was in a bind. They were trying to launch some new “authentic local” drink and, to put it mildly, they were flailing. He figured a fresh pair of eyes, someone not bogged down in their internal stuff, might help. Sounded like a quick job, a few weeks at most. What could go wrong, right?
I went in, expecting maybe some outdated ideas, a bit of corporate stiffness. But boy, was I in for a ride. From day one, it was clear this wasn’t just about launching a new soda. It was an expedition into organized chaos.
The Grand “Strategy” Unfolds
Their big idea was this “hyper-local” craft beverage. Sounds decent on paper. But the execution? A masterclass in how not to do things. The first meeting I sat in on, you had marketing folks who’d apparently never spoken to the product development team. Product development was busy creating something that sounded like it needed a science degree to understand, let alone enjoy. And sales? Sales guys were just shaking their heads, muttering about how they couldn’t possibly sell whatever monstrosity was being cooked up.
It was like watching three different bands trying to play three different songs, all at the same time, in the same small room. And they all thought their song was the hit.
My “practice” there quickly became less about providing insights and more about trying to be a glorified (and underpaid) translator between departments that might as well have been on different planets. Here’s a little taste of what I observed:
- Endless meetings that achieved nothing. Absolutely nothing. Just people repeating their own points louder each time.
- The “local” angle was so forced it was painful. They had mood boards with stock photos of “Cincinnati culture” that looked like they were pulled from a generic tourist brochure from 1998.
- Budget? Oh, they had money. Mostly to spend on reports that told them what they wanted to hear, or to change the packaging design for the fifth time because someone’s spouse didn’t like the color.
- Actual consumer feedback? That was a radical idea apparently. Easier to guess what people wanted.
I tried, you know? I suggested maybe, just maybe, they could simplify the product, talk to actual local shop owners, or create a marketing message that didn’t sound like it was written by a committee that hated each other. Most of it just got nodded at and then completely ignored. “Interesting perspective, we’ll take that into consideration,” usually meant “Thanks, now let us get back to our internal squabbles.”
What I Took Away From The Whole Fiasco
After a few weeks of this, it became crystal clear. The beverage, the launch, it was all secondary. This particular Cincinnati beverage company, or at least that division, seemed to run on inertia and departmental turf wars. It wasn’t a cohesive unit trying to make a good product. It was more like a collection of little fiefdoms, each jealously guarding its own tiny patch of ground, all crammed under the “beverage company” banner.
They weren’t building a brand; they were just going through motions. It reminded me of some tech companies I’d seen, where different teams use completely different tools and never talk, ending up with a Frankenstein product. This was the beverage version of that. A real patchwork operation, as I like to call ’em.
So yeah, that was my little adventure in the Cincinnati beverage scene. I didn’t stick around for the actual launch – couldn’t bear to watch. But every now and then, I see a new “local craft” drink on the shelf, and I just have to wonder if it’s another masterpiece of internal confusion. Makes for a good story, I guess.
