So Why’d I Even Bother Testing Cookie Strength?
Alright y’all, last weekend totally bummed me out. Baked some fancy cannabis cookies for me and the crew. They tasted amazing – brown sugar chunks, chocolate drizzle, the works. But handling them? Disaster. One bump in the car ride over, and they basically powdered themselves inside the container. Felt like handing out cookie dust with a spoon. Not cool. Decided right then – enough guessing. Gonna find out which edible cookies can actually survive a real pocket or purse without turning into instant crumbs.
The Great Cookie Hunt & Test Setup
First step, obviously, was buying the contenders. Figured I’d hit up five spots folks talk about:
- Happy Trails Dispensary: Grabbed their house brand “Stoney Bites.” Packaging looked sturdy, but looks can lie.
- Cali Green Co-op: Picked “Sunshine Crisps.” Heard good things.
- Urban Herb Boutique: Snagged “Metropolitan Medibles.” Fancy name, pricey too.
- Old School Bakery: Found “Honest Kitchen Cookies.” Grandma vibes.
- Gas ‘n Ganja Stop: Yeah, the sketchy looking place near the highway. Got “CBD Cookies” (original, right?). Cheapest by far.
Drove all over creation for these things. My gas tank cried.
Got home, cleared the kitchen counter. Tools of the trade:
- My trusty digital kitchen scale (zeroed it, don’t worry).
- Various weights: Start small – used bags of rice & flour. Then escalated to actual gym weights I borrowed from my neighbor Dave (owed him a beer after).
- A flat wooden board to distribute the pressure evenly. Didn’t wanna cheat.
- Phone for pics/vids – evidence matters!
The test itself was simple, but required patience. Place one cookie on the scale. Slap the board on top. Gently add weight. Watch the scale number climb. Listen for the CRUNCH. Note the weight just before it turned to dust. Did five cookies per brand to be fair. Made a spreadsheet because I’m extra.
Let the Crumbling Begin! (Results Are In)
Time for the destruction derby!
- Stoney Bites (Happy Trails): Puffed themselves up like they were tough. Started cracking around 1.5 pounds. Full dust at 2 pounds. Total posers. “Stoney” fit though – you eat dust, you feel it.
- Sunshine Crisps (Cali Green): Crisp is right. Sounded like snapping twigs at 2.8 pounds. Managed to hold some shape, but big cracks. Definitely failing the pocket test. Disappointing.
- Metropolitan Medibles (Urban Herb): These fancy boys looked dense. Held on kinda tight. Reached about 4 pounds before major structural failure. Crumbled bad at 4.2 pounds. Better? Yes. Worth the price hike? Meh. Maybe just paying for the fancy wrapper.
- Honest Kitchen Cookies (Old School Bakery): Looked thick, homemade style. Figured they might be tanks. Nope. Started looking stressed at 3 pounds. Utterly disintegrated at a pathetic 5 pounds. Honest? More like Weak Kitchen. Grandma needs a new recipe.
- CBD Cookies (Gas ‘n Ganja Stop): Okay, the underdog. Cheap package, cookies looked kinda sad and thin. Almost wrote them off before testing. Started adding weight… 3 pounds… 5 pounds… 8 pounds… Dave’s 10-pound dumbbell… 15 pounds! They were flexing but holding! Tried a second cookie just to be sure. Crunch finally happened at 17 pounds! Nearly dropped the 20-pounder on my foot in shock. What in the cheap, effective packaging sorcery?!
My Takeaways: Pocket Strength is Real
So there you have it. Real-life, slightly messy, kitchen counter science. I expected pricey equals sturdy. Dead wrong. Fancy packaging? Often just fluff.
The clear champ, punching way above its weight class (literally), was the no-name, cheapo CBD Cookies from the gas station dispensary. They weren’t winning any flavor contests, but who cares when you wanna actually eat the cookie whole instead of snorting it? Made me rethink my snobby bias. Sometimes the dodgy looking spot nails it.
Key lesson? If you want an edible cookie that doesn’t turn to dust just looking at it, don’t judge by the brand name or the shiny bag. Test them yourself or find reviews from people who actually break stuff. Mine are all crumbs now… except that half-pack of CBD Cookies I hid from Dave. Gonna need those next road trip.
